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[ - ] I've become 'that' woman - I hate my DH 0 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:28 PM Flag
[ - ] Spending the day with mil. Everything out of her mouth is comparing my kids to their cousins (sil's kids). It's driving me crazy. 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:27 PM Flag
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I guess that means your kids aren't coming out ahead in the comparisons? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:21 PM Flag
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Not really, depends on the comparison. Most of the time it's just "oh they do this" when my kids are doing/saying something - not better just keeps bringing them up. All the time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:34 PM Flag
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This is my mom with my sister's kids. She's 7 years older than me but has kids the same age. So annoying [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:34 PM Flag
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Have some wine. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:36 PM Flag
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I wish! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:37 PM Flag
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My MIL does this too. Found out that she didn't think SIL did as much as I did with my kids and that her kids didn't do what my kids and she was nervous about it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:24 PM Flag
[ - ] Why do journalists get beheaded? Why do they even go over there? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:22 PM Flag
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Please don't be this ignorant, even anonymously. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:36 PM Flag
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Because more than anything else the US and other democratic countries highly value freedom of speech - it's one big FU from the terrorists [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:38 PM Flag
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Shit I have to fly to the UK for work next week [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:28 PM Flag
[ - ] Can anyone recommend a great family hotel in DC? We'd like to do some sight seeing and exploring during the day and then relax with a nice hotel pool and room service at night. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:22 PM Flag
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Maybe not "great", but when DD was younger we would often stay at Embassy Suites in Foggy Bottom. Breakfast included and a pool, happy hour and very close to the GWU Metro station. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:31 PM Flag
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+1, this is a great option! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:35 PM Flag
[ - ] I don’t know what to do. DH seems to be becoming more serious about jacking in his job, selling our apartment and moving out of NYC to somewhere cheaper with no job lined up. Nice idea in theory, we have enough equity that we could buy a house mortgage free but there is my career to worry about plus our 2 kids and their schools. We are also from NYC and don’t know anyone who lives anywhere where we could realistically do this so we would be moving to god knows where, far from family and friends and starting over. There is no reason to do this, he is bored with his career and has lived in NYC his whole life and “wants a change”. Is this some sort of midlife crisis thing? Does he really think we will be happier just because we have no mortgage and a lower cost of living? It just sounds like we will be well off and miserable and lonely. 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:21 PM Flag
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I'd be happier with no mortgage and a lower cost of living... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:22 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:36 PM Flag
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What portion of your HHI does he bring in and what portion do you bring in? He might be feeling tired and pressured of bringing in funds. Are the kids in private school? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:37 PM Flag
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Talk to him, not us. Find out what's really driving him. Is he unhappy in his job or does he really just want to try the picket fence suburban life? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:35 PM Flag
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I know a lot of people that talk about this but don't actually act on it (me included). Who wouldn't want a slower, simpler life with much lower housing expenses, taxes etc. ? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:24 PM Flag
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"miserable and lonely".. the problem is your ego. You strongly believe NYC is the best place on earth and everyone else is miserable. The truth is, your family is what makes you happy. Not broadway, expensive restaurants, designer gyms and a shoebox address with a prime address [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:43 PM Flag
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We did just that. Both of our careers have completely withered. However, we do have a second kid which we would not have had we stayed in NYC. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:44 PM Flag
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mid life crises suck, lived through one with my D. Good luck. I've moved to some places for my husband's job I never thought I could manage. At the end of the day if you love each other and your children and approach it with an open mind you can make a wonderful life for your family just about anywhere. It's all about attitude. If it makes you feel any better my DH still has a fantasy of moving to a mountain town in Colorado or Idaho and opening a bourbon bar. So far I've managed to talk him off that ledge. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:46 PM Flag
[ - ] DH and I are just not seeing eye to eye anymore. We get along with the day to day stuff, do not fight in front of kids, and for all appearances seem fight. But really, we are really butting heads on some major issues. He has been extremely hurtful to me with his words, has made be very insecure and all around he has made me feel worthless. I feel torn about divorce. We don't have a toxic family life, everything is seemingly okay, but really I am unhappy. WWYD? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:21 PM Flag
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Stop expecting your husband to make you happy. He is not responsible for your happiness. If he's being mean to you, or making you feel uncomfortable, you can just say "you're being a dick and making me unhappy. Cut it out." And if he doesn't stop, just get lost for a while and do something that makes you happy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:40 PM Flag
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but at what point do you consider that fact that you might be happier with out each other. how can someone just compromise what they want out of life for the sake of staying in a marriage [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:32 PM Flag
[ - ] I was young and not really following politics back then, but how did Bush manage to get re-elected in 2004? It seems like he was one of the most incompetent presidents ever, but when the election came he crushed Kerry with ease. 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:17 PM Flag
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9/11... remember that? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:22 PM Flag
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Yeah, but that's like saying the Persian Gulf War should have gotten Bush's dad re-elected. It doesn't work that way; news cycles are much shorter than three years. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:24 PM Flag
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Yep. Re-election was won the day he stepped on the wtc ruins with a microphone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:33 PM Flag
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John Kerry was really off putting as a personality. Bush was a guy that you felt you could have a beer with. Kerry just seemed like a smug bastard. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:23 PM Flag
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above (and they cheated in Ohio.) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:24 PM Flag
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Its times like today (2nd american be-headed), I miss having a strong leader as president. Not the waffling, PC idiot we have now [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:28 PM Flag
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Over time, I really think history is going to be much kinder on Bush than on Obama [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:29 PM Flag
[ - ] anyone here do Pilates, Physique 57, SLT, and Core Fusion? what is the difference? which is better? I have only done CF and pilates, looking to try something else. TIA 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:15 PM Flag
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I love P57: it's pilates on steroids. Core fusion is a bit slow paced for me but it's great for arms. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:33 PM Flag
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np: i actually found p57 beginners classes too hard :( [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:37 PM Flag
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give it a few classes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:44 PM Flag
[ - ] DH here - Any questions? 25 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:15 PM Flag
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Why aren't you working? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:15 PM Flag
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Why aren't YOU working? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:15 PM Flag
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I'm raising two kids... you're messing around on this site instead of being a productive adult male. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:05 PM Flag
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oh, don't start this up again. Dude you are a sad, fake excuse troll for a DH. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:04 PM Flag
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this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:16 PM Flag
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I'm afraid you are wrong, I'm neither sad nor fake. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:06 PM Flag
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agree. this person has issues [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:45 PM Flag
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get a job [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:16 PM Flag
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I have a job, thank you very much. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:05 PM Flag
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Have you always been a pathetic loser or is this a recent happening? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:07 PM Flag
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Have you always been hopelessly condescending or is this a recent happening? Would love to see what you have going for you, before you assume all men on this site are losers... I can make a healthy bet my life it a bit more impressive than yours. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:09 PM Flag
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Doubt it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:14 PM Flag
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np Dude you're on UB. If you are in any way an impressive guy, you'll leave now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:15 PM Flag
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I know you're the Obama hater. F-ck off. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:21 PM Flag
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Fuck no. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:10 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:16 PM Flag
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You sound needlessly belligerent. I feel sorry for your wife. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:11 PM Flag
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I'm a real guy, actually, so I know that only a man would know the answer to this question - what is the hardest part of your face to shave? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:24 PM Flag
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the taint [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:14 PM Flag
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NP: Toss up between the inside of your nostrils and the back of your ears. But maybe that's why most men skip those parts? I'm a woman, BTW. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:27 PM Flag
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I would think it would be the jaw line. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:31 PM Flag
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I don't think anyone shaves the inside of their nostrils. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:31 PM Flag
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OR: Not correct. There is a very specific answer that almost every man would know. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:32 PM Flag
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No, no, no. Please stop with this post. No, your simply being male and married doesn't bring to mind any questions. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:15 PM Flag
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Yes I have a question. Why do you keep posting this? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:20 PM Flag
[ - ] Situation: a guy divorces his wife of 20 years. They have 1 Dc in high school. He marries a woman in her late 20's who wants children. Unfortunately, he loses his job, and doesn't want to start a new family, until he finds work. He's been out of work nearly 3 years, and she really wants to have a baby now. Thoughts? 39 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:09 PM Flag
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My first thought is HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:01 PM Flag
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mine too [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:04 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:24 PM Flag
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+2- good grief. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:36 PM Flag
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What does the woman do? Is there an income? They need to have a sit down and discuss the pros and cons of each position. Perhaps reach some sort of compromise. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:13 PM Flag
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She is in PR. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:20 PM Flag
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HAHAAHAHA again! How cliché, old guy married young PR chick [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:36 PM Flag
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Yep, and she thought she would be living the good life. No SAHM for her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:26 PM Flag
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How do you compromise? You either have a kid or you do not. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:11 PM Flag
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OR: compromise on when and if so, how daily responsibilities are to be handled, especially if the wife continues to work. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:29 PM Flag
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If he says not until he can get work, that may result in never having kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:34 PM Flag
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sorry but LOL [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:14 PM Flag
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they both came away with exactly what they deserved [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:15 PM Flag
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Well, he really wanted a new family to begin with, but once he lost his job, his priorities changed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:22 PM Flag
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Three years of no job? His priorities have REALLY changed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:12 PM Flag
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Agree. I think he is turning his nose up at a lot of offers. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:33 PM Flag
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If that is the case, and he is paying child support for kid #1, he may find it difficult to get CS reduced. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:24 PM Flag
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interesting. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:38 PM Flag
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He wanted a "new" family? Uh. Yeah. Sounds GREAT. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:23 PM Flag
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This. Kind of like "a new car"! Or "a new suit"! A NEW FAMILY! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:37 PM Flag
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maybe a poor choice of words. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:41 PM Flag
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haha! hysterical. He already has a child, so no more kids. She should have chose better. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:09 PM Flag
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He's playing her like a fiddle (and the ex wife too). This man won't work again until the first DC is out of college and the second wife is dried up. And even then he'll probably only work long enough to court victim (I mean wife) number 3. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:12 PM Flag
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this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:15 PM Flag
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First wife is likely LHAO (H instead of M). Second wife thought she was getting a prize, go the booby prize. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:16 PM Flag
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Is he now in arrearage on child support to first kid? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:17 PM Flag
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not sure. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:32 PM Flag
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It makes a big difference. Not always possible to get Child Support reduced, judge may say use your savings first. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:23 PM Flag
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Clueless here. What does that mean? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:39 PM Flag
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It means that either the 50YO dude is depleting his savings, or wracking up arrearages. It means that OP's "friend" is in worse shape financially than would otherwise be. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:29 PM Flag
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THIS. What the heck happened with the daughter in high school? What about college? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:24 PM Flag
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no clue. Don't know the details. Hope she's ok. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:38 PM Flag
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What field is he in? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:19 PM Flag
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Specialty finance. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:34 PM Flag
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Again: this could not be more cliché. He wanted to own a young piece of ass is what he wanted. What was this stupid late 20 year old thinking when she married a man probably in his 50s? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:39 PM Flag
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What's the punchline? Don't leave us hanging! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:23 PM Flag
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Well, there is no punchline. I think they could raise a family on her income, but he would have to downgrade his lifestyle considerably. Not sure he wants to do that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:24 PM Flag
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more like, why would she want to?? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:31 PM Flag
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Exactly. This woman is trapped and she should cut her losses now before getting tied up permanently with this man by having his child. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:34 PM Flag
[ - ] preschool 8-1 + pt nanny or ft nanny for a 2.5 yo? What is best? TYIA 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:03 PM Flag
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preschool & pt nanny [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:04 PM Flag
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Can you find a 9-12 preschool and a pt nanny? 8-1 might be a bit much for a 2yo. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:05 PM Flag
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I am going to take my dc there around 8:30 and nanny will pick up by 1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:25 PM Flag
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Skip preschool and do FT nanny with a creative class a couple days/wk. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:06 PM Flag
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Preschool plus pt nanny. I did 2 full preschool days and 3 days with nanny when my younger one was 2 and it worked out well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:26 PM Flag
[ - ] I can't believe the Republicans are trying to get some political mileage out of terrorists killing a journalist. Those kind of Republicans are truly traitors and do not care about America, only about getting power. Trying to blame Obama is playing into the terrorists' hands. Using a tragedy for political ends -- as the Republicans are doing -- is about as low as you can go. They are truly unpatriotic people, and doing this so close to the anniversary of 9-11, when Democrats put aside their politics to support a President, shows how truly abhorrent the Republican Party has become. How anyone votes for them is beyond me. 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:02 PM Flag
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Blah blah blah [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:03 PM Flag
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Dick Cheney completely denies that the current situation has anything to do with the War on Iraq. He says they are unrelated events. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:08 PM Flag
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Who cares what Cheney says? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:25 PM Flag
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Of course he does [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:39 PM Flag
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Is "getting political mileage" what we are calling pointing out the obvious and telling the truth these days. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:00 PM Flag
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Over the weekend, Dianne Feinstein called Obama too cautious re:ISIS. Is she trying to "get some political mileage" too? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:32 PM Flag
[ - ] If your 18 yo were arrested at college for DUI, would you go out to school to be with them on their court dates? Or would you let them deal with their stupidity on their own and face the music? Which option do you think makes you the better parent and why? 35 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:50 PM Flag
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I would go with them, and I would make sure they have an attorney. No reason for a stupid mistake to cost them future job opportunities. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:40 PM Flag
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+1000 Don't be an idiot to prove a point. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:55 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:48 PM Flag
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+1 million [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:04 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:07 PM Flag
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I don't think simply showing up for support in court equates to neglecting to allow them to face the music. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:41 PM Flag
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Letting them go to court on their own. Time to grow up and understand consequences. I'd also make them pay me back the legal fees. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:41 PM Flag
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So if a parent happens to be in the courtroom to witness, they somehow evade consequences? Um, no. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:48 PM Flag
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Two important details: One, where is the school and how inconvenient is it to get there? Two, is DC out of jail pending court appearance? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:43 PM Flag
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I am not certain either course of action makes one the better parent, but I would go. Many times, you can get a first offense plea bargained down to a lesser charge. You can still make kid face music, but you can have more control [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:44 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:02 PM Flag
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Friends of ours recently shared with us that they did is for their son when this happened to him. We were astonished because we never had any clue. He has since graduated from an Ivy and is doing really well,mbit we had no idea at the time. They said altogether it cost them somewhere around 50k to work through the whole mess. I came away admiring them all the more, if you want to know the truth. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:56 PM Flag
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BS. If it cost $50k it wasn't a DUI, at least not a first time DUI. Signed former criminal defense attorney. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:59 PM Flag
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+1 signed attorney in another area of law but know that 50K is not for one DUI offense [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:04 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:56 PM Flag
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Explained above. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:07 PM Flag
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If someone pleads guilty, it very well could cost thousands of dollars, way beyond court fees. Costs associated with obtaining a valid license again, lost wages from potential job loss and loss of future earning potential. If you were actually a former attorney, you would know this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:57 PM Flag
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thousands =/= 50K [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:59 PM Flag
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Did you read all of my post? Regarding potential loss of future earning potential? A relative (not in NY) received a DUI, never arrested before in her life. She was a single mom. She stupidly pled guilty (no attorney). She was immediately fired from her job a a church-based non-profit (salary, 40kish). No unemployment. Could not afford fees to get license back, ended up losing her home months later. Could not find a job. A guilty plea for even that first DUI can fuck up lives quickly and surely. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:08 PM Flag
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Oh, OK, I thought you were rsponsding to attorneys fees 50K [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:21 PM Flag
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I am not making the figure up. I believe the costs were spread across a few areas. There were plane flights and hotels because the parents and college were about 2000 miles separate. There was property damage from the DUI ... The boy crashed the car first. A passenger was slightly injured. Also yes, I believe there was at least one other alcohol related offense in his history, though not DUI. All told they said they spent 50k more or less to "get it all over with." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:06 PM Flag
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Also, I know it was a DUI because after they told us about it, I looked it up ... Sure enough it was there in the police blotter of the town where it happened, which was a town near the college. Not where we live, so there was no reason we would have known about it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:11 PM Flag
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+1 in that case, restitution alone could be who knows what. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:16 PM Flag
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Np. Just a question. Thank God I don't know, but if you total your car or someone else's and you are drunk, does your insurance really cover that? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:18 PM Flag
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Both. I'd go to be with my DC and I would let DC face the music of his/her bad decision. Why go? To be supportive, for sure, but also to say over and over: "You're damn lucky nobody's dead, you idiot." I would not let my 18yo deal with this without facing MY music. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:44 PM Flag
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18? I would go. I would imagine they would be terrified. That is when they need their parents. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:57 PM Flag
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I had to go to court with my dd two years ago for being caught at a teen drinking party. At least thirty kids from the same party were all there. Some had two parents and you could tell they both took off work. Some had just mom or just dad. One kid's parents apparently told him he was 18 and he could figure it out himself, I heard him explaining to the court clerk. They would not give him diversion unless he had a parent sign off even though he was over 18. It was so sad because he didn't even have his cell phone to call them, since they didn't let them in the courthouse, I felt so bad for that kid. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:00 PM Flag
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If the judge is undecided, having a parent there will be a positive factor. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:57 PM Flag
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Yes, I think the point was to hammer home to the kids that it is the entire family's responsibility. It was my responsibility to know what my daughter was doing, but the Juvenile officer also told my daughter point blank that she should be grateful to have a mother who clearly cared about her, and that she had brought shame to me, and did she understand that. It was a good speech. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:14 PM Flag
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Those 2 things are not mutually exclusive. If you are still supporting the 18yo, then I would pay for an attorney and I would go there to provide support. I would want them to have every opportunity to have this minimized as far as the law allows, but I would not tell them that I am going to make it go away so they can get off scot-free. There will be repercussions and they will have to face both the legal consequnces AND the family consequences [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:49 PM Flag
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I don't think either option makes you a better parent. Have you asked if they want you there? I would be inclined not to go unless they want me to. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:04 PM Flag
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i don't think either makes you a better parent - but if it were my kid, I would be there [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:05 PM Flag
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Not at college but this happened to people I know last year. Drunk driving and the girlfriend in the car almost died. She is permanently disabled now. The family has been through hell but they have stuck beside their son the whole time. The legal stuff is still going on and I have no idea how much of their savings they have gone through. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:21 PM Flag
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So, in this scenario the court date is before I kill her? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:21 PM Flag
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No kidding. She isn't going to live long enough to see the court date. Maybe someone will come to mine. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:28 PM Flag
[ - ] How quickly did you know your husband was in love with you/he was the one you'd marry? 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:50 PM Flag
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I knew right away, but he just told me this morning that he never loved me. Oh well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:04 PM Flag
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@ss. I'm sorry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:10 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:01 PM Flag
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That's such a mean and hateful thing to say. Tell him you never loved him either because you just realized you never even knew him. What a POS. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:28 PM Flag
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Yeah. That happened to me, too. The day they say it is the worst. But it gets better. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:29 PM Flag
[ - ] s/o: Wow, there are women here who actually believe if they are told something in confidence by a "friend" that the "friend" should automatically assume they will share that info with their DH? "DWs and DHs have no secrets...they share everything..there should be no expectation of privacy." No wonder so many women don't have any friends... 50 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:48 PM Flag
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If a girlfriend specifically asked me not to share with DH, I wouldn't. But otherwise I would probably tell DH. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:49 PM Flag
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I don't tell DH everything, but we tell each other plenty. For advice, and fun, and just because we are a couple. He can keep my confidences just as well as I can, which is one of the reasons I married him. I trust him. I expect its similar for many of you. So why the shock if I share something a friend told me with DH? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:51 PM Flag
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But they're not his confidences. They were confidences given to you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:57 PM Flag
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Are you unmarried? -np [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:05 PM Flag
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WTH? I've been married for 12 years. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:54 PM Flag
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Sorry, you sounded like someone who has never been married. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:11 PM Flag
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No, I sound like someone who actually has friends. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:01 PM Flag
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snap [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:29 PM Flag
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I can't imagine how if you react this violently to such a benign misunderstanding. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:35 PM Flag
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You're not very imaginative, then. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:39 PM Flag
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alright then. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:29 PM Flag
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np: I agree with her and I've been married 18 years. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:14 PM Flag
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ITA. I got the teen vibe too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:26 PM Flag
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What? Not sharing friends' confidences is for teenagers? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:40 PM Flag
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I don't tell other people's secrets to DH. I guess I would if there were some way he could make her situation better, but otherwise, I think it's just an excuse to gossip. Your secret goes with me to the grave. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:40 PM Flag
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I know my DH doesn't share with me ever tidbit that comes out of his friends mouths and I don't betray the confidences of my girlfriends. Not everything is for the consumption of your DH's ears. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:40 PM Flag
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ITA. I would never tell personal stuff about my friends to my DH. Mundane stuff, maybe, like new job or death in the family or illness, but not stuff about marital problems or that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:40 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:56 PM Flag
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Exactly [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:32 PM Flag
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I share everything with my dh including my friend's secrets but not if it is just chit chat or gossip. I also expect that my friends do the same with their dh's. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:55 PM Flag
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Chit chat and gossip are not important to share, but your friend's secrets are? Oooookay. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:58 PM Flag
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I meant I don't share them for the sake of chit chat or gossip but yeah I will tell my husband that I'm really worried about my friend because she is doing x and talk about it with him. I think that is a perfectly natural and healthy thing in a marriage. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:25 PM Flag
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I have single friends who've told me that htey assume what they tell one spouse the other one knows about. I don't think this is the way it is with every couple, or the way it should be. But apparently the presumption is there even by single folks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:57 PM Flag
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NP I think this is why so many women turn to UB or other online forums for their real problems. They know as soon as they told most of their so-called friends about some problem they would post here on UB, it would be told to someone else. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:00 PM Flag
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agree [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:18 PM Flag
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+++++ [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:40 PM Flag
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Yes I talk to dh about anything that concerns me or weighs on me and that includes worries and fears I have for my friends and the problems they are having. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:14 PM Flag
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What if you know very well those friends wouldn't want anyone else to know about their problems? Do they have to say - every single time they tell you something personal - please don't tell X about this. Would you even listen if they said that? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:18 PM Flag
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It would very much depend on the problem but my friends know my husband and I tell each other everything as do they so there is no expectation that I wouldn't tell him. However, sure there are circumstances that a friend could ask me not to tell my husband and would respect that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:44 PM Flag
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I don't keep secrets from my husband that might affect him, but I think that my friends have every right to share things with me that don't any farther than me. I am married, but I am still a separate person. I hate that I can't share something with a friend if I don't also want her husband to know. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:02 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:28 PM Flag
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how are you supposed to know what is a secret and what isn't unless the person tells you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:03 PM Flag
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Are you really that dense? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:04 PM Flag
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exactly - best to err on the side of caution. if she's seeking out marital counseling, that could be something she wants to keep private. if she's deciding whether to take the kids to her cousin's wedding in Nebraska, you're probably okay to share it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:13 PM Flag
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yes, I guess I am....I have been amazed at what people tell other people (things I would never dream of saying to another person) and they do [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:33 PM Flag
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fine, but that doesn't mean that you need to help them share it. if information is personal, keep it to yourself - no friend is every going to sya "i can't believe you didn't tell anyone and i'm now mad at you". [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:30 PM Flag
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If someone tells me something in confidence, I don't share it. But I've had friends tell me something and then refer to it in front of my husband, just assuming he would know. They are usually surprised that I didn't pass the information along. But, honestly, it isn't my husband's business if a friend is depressed, if her husband is cheating, if she is battling an eating disorder, etc. They deserve privacy, and I want them to feel free to talk to me without knowing it will go straight to my husband. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:17 PM Flag
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Me too [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:31 PM Flag
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NNP here: Interesting that the original OP's friend's husband was reading all of her texts, which is how he comes to know her friends' business. IMO couples in that situation - where all correspondence from others is shared through shared email or text or monitored email or text - have one controlling spouse in the relationship. It's sad, not sharing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:11 PM Flag
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yeah that's not the same at all. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:26 PM Flag
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Yet people still responded that OP should expect dh to hear about everything because that's normal. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:32 PM Flag
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Eh....I don't think that exactly. But when sharing with others via text I would assume that their DH might see the text. In general if I'm sharing with someone else I assume their DH might hear about it. And I wouldn't say something if I didn't want their DH to know. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:22 PM Flag
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DH and I tell each other everything, even if it's a friends secret. I have found that by sharing with DH, he often offers thoughts/advice from a different perspective which I can relay to my friends if they are in need of advice or just comfort. I obviously don't say my DH thinks such and such. I'll just say, "I was thinking about what you told me and..." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:23 PM Flag
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Ugh. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:38 PM Flag
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Gross. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:42 PM Flag
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And what do you bring to the table when your DHs friends have problems that he shares with you? Or do you simply assume he shares them all with you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:42 PM Flag
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I completely expect my friends to share my secrets with their husbands. I'd be surprised if they told them things about my crazy painful periods for example, but i would trust that they had good reasons for sharing that with their dh. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:39 PM Flag
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Ugh. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:42 PM Flag
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I don't tell my DH all of my friends' secrets. But I think it's foolish to share something with a friend and assume that they will not tell DH. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:43 PM Flag
[ - ] I'm 3.5 weeks post partum and still feel anxious and overwhelmed, although better every day. I cried a lot at first and now its much much less but I still cry . the thought of leaving my apartment overwhelms me. Do I have PPD? Will talk to my OB in Thursday. I definitely don't feel like my self but definitely don't have terrible thoughts and I love and connect with my baby... Normal? 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:40 PM Flag
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Sounds like a touch of PPD. It's also the sleep deprivation- don't discount that. Good luck OP, it gets better!! Don't forget to ask for help- family, friends. Just an hour to yourself here and there to go get coffee, walk around, etc. can be so revitalizing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:34 PM Flag
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Many people feel that way for much of the first 3 months at least. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:46 PM Flag
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I'm ten weeks PP and I was an emotional wreck for probably at least the first five weeks. I'm a first time mom and still sometimes get terribly anxious that something bad will happen. My DD slept through the night for the first time last night and instead of being overjoyed, I awoke in a panic until I could feel her breathing! It does get easier all the time though - talking to other moms has helped me a lot. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:47 PM Flag
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Your hormones are going crazy, and you just had a major life event happen. Its a big event, give yourself time to adjust. It is normal to feel this way. You need to rest as much as you can. Get in touch with a new moms support group if you can. Get out and walk, it will help. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:51 PM Flag
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Totally normal. But also, it wouldn't hurt to talk to someone. I'd err on the side of caution. Also, do you have other moms of newborns to hang out with? If no, please seek some out. That was an amazing resource for me. Just having someone to go meet for coffee, knowing that we both might have to run home if it all went to hell was great. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:44 PM Flag
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I was feeling really overwhelmed until I started getting out for a few hours a day. Getting some fresh air, having lunch with friends, etc. made a huge difference. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:02 PM Flag
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Oh I am so very sorry. It is an awful experience to have. Getting out of the house really does help. Just putting db in a stroller and walking all day and can make a world of difference. Do you have any help? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:01 PM Flag
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Op here. Thank you all. I do have some help, my mil and sil are close and have been helping me by coming over to let me shower and but I'll admit my mil annoys me because she hovers over the baby and tries to wake him so she can take pics of him. My Mom is here visiting for a week and helping a lot with cooking and cleaning but I know my DH is annoyed because we have a small apartment. DH has been absolutely amazing and it sometimes actually makes me guilty that he's been doing so much. My baby is so so good to the point where I'm anxious that he's too good. I don't have a lot of friends here but I will try to reach out to the ones who expressed interest in visiting. Only one friend with a baby and she's been really sweet. I'm glad to hear it gets better. I do feel it gets easier everyday I just don't think I was prepared for this hormonal craziness!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:40 PM Flag
[ - ] If you leased a car for three years, after one year can you trade the car in for something different if you go for a lease from the same dealer? 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:39 PM Flag
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no [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:30 PM Flag
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No. That would be a terrible, terrible deal for the dealer. You can sometimes get them to buy out the last two months or so of your lease if you lease a new car, but of course you should know that they're just moving that couple of hundred bucks to another cost they're charging you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:44 PM Flag
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I guess two years to go. I'm not happy with the car I got, oh well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:36 PM Flag
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np: you can always go back to the dealer and try to work out a deal. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 05:45 PM Flag
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if you are not happy with the car, speak to the dealer and try to work something out [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:18 PM Flag
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SIL has traded in early from same dealer [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.02.14, 06:08 PM Flag
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