October 26, 2004

The Parent Trap

Have you ever dressed the wee one in Versace Young for a playdate? Or scolded your own mom for giving peanut butter to her two-year-old grandchild? If you've become a chronically obsessive parent, put down the antibacterial wipes and listen up because you're not alone.

The Perfect Parents Handbook is a funny new send-up of our current over-the-top culture of parenting. Tongue planted firmly in cheek, author Jennifer Conlin describes in detail nine archetypical family groups -- from Classic to Sporty, Bohemian to Paranoid, Power to Martyr -- poking fun at how vigilantly we raise our kids today.

Humorous photographs of each parent-type in tribal costume and graphics and illustrations highlight the different perfectionist approaches: The Hip Parents send out a black and white, 4 x 6 photo of exceptional quality for their birth announcement; the Bohemians use only recycled papyrus paper. The typical lunch box sandwich served by Power Parents is steak with béarnaise sauce on a sourdough roll; the Paranoid Parents offer no tuna (mercury), no egg salad (could spoil) and no processed meats (chemicals).

You may recognize yourself -- or someone you know -- in, say, the Neo-Trad family where dad is not too manly to bake and then carry his homemade cupcakes to school, and where mom is quick to point out that her 14-month already has ten two-syllable words. We all tend to go over-the-top as Conlin, a mother of three who has written for The New York Times notes, “child-rearing has reached a standard that Mary Poppins couldn't attain even with a jet-propelled umbrella and vintage Hermes Birkin bag of tricks.”

And even Ms. Poppins had to resort to bribery once in a while—remember the spoonful of sugar?

The Perfect Parents Handbook by Jennifer Conlin is available online at amazon.com.

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